How to Develop an Attractive Personality and Make People Love You

by Kynan Patram

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I’ve found something FASCINATING about people and human relations...

We often SAY and DO things that turn off the people in our lives and sometimes also generate hidden resentment in them, all WITHOUT even us realizing it.

Thus, half the battle to developing an attractive personality is to STOP doing some of the things we’re ALREADY doing!

But how do we learn WHAT mistakes we’re currently making, so we can CORRECT them and thus improve our personality and relationships?

I mean, most people aren’t going to TELL US what we’re doing “wrong”.

They’re not going to tell us all the ways in which we act that turns them off and repels them BECAUSE they don’t want to risk hurting our feelings or making us angry at them.

But that’s where I come in.

I want to tell you about the TOP 21 mistakes I’ve discovered people make in their interactions with others that secretly bores, annoys, and sometimes even angers them. However, they’ll usually just hide their TRUE feelings about it from us, and simply pull away, leaving us wondering what the hell we did wrong.

Learning and correcting these mistakes will not only make your personality much more attractive, it will also better your relationships with EVERYONE in your life.

Let’s get started...

MISTAKE #1:
Whining and Complaining

Do you ever unload your problems on other people and practically FORCE them to listen to your complaints?

If so, have you ever asked yourself why?

What we want is sympathy and understanding, isn’t it?

But do we even get that?

You’ve probably already discovered that when you complain to people, most of them just politely nod and listen, and punctuate the conversation by saying, “Oh, that’s so sad” or “I feel so bad for you”.

But what they’re REALLY thinking is a different matter...

“You think your problems are so bad, huh? Well, guess what – I have problems too. We all have problems. Get used to it! What makes you think your problems are so much more important or worse than others? Do I really have to sit here and listen to you bitch and complain? You’re such a victim! Take some responsibility for your life.”

Of course, they’re never going to tell you that. But that’s likely what’s really running through their heads when you complain at them endlessly.

So stop whining and complaining about your trivial problems.

If you’re not even looking for a solution, will doing this solve them?

Nope.

So what good comes of dumping our problems on others, only to greatly bore and irriate them?

NOTHING.

MISTAKE #2:
Starting Arguments Over Opinions

When you discover someone has an opposing viewpoint than your own, do you ever use this as your OPPORTUNITY to jump in and argue with them by refuting their viewpoint?

But what do you hope to GET out of the situation?

I bet you just feel the urge to prove the other person wrong to satisfy your need to be right.

But why?

Is it stubbornness, egotism, and vanity motivating this kind of behavior?

And furthermore, what kind of results does arguing with people over a mere difference of opinions produce?

Here’s how people REALLY respond to you getting into arguments with them over differing viewpoints:

“You’ve turned yourself into my adversary, and now I feel the need to defend myself and argue my position against you. I’m going to make it my goal to beat you by proving you’re wrong and that I am right. You’re my enemy in this situation now, not my friend.”

Most arguments grow into HEATED debates where emotions run HIGH. People then start holding the other person in contempt and looking on them with dislike and disdain.

But you don’t want that, do you?

So avoid getting into arguments over differences of opinion.

It accomplishes NOTHING.

Why not simply accept that not everyone is going to think the same way you do, and that’s okay?

MISTAKE #3:
Rambling On About Boring Topics

When it’s your turn to speak in a conversation, do you ever pay attention to the length of time it takes you to say what you want?

Furthermore, do you ever ask yourself THIS very important question:

“Is this person even INTERESTED in hearing about what I’m saying?”

If you’re taking more than 30 seconds to say what you want, you’re heading into the DANGER ZONE. Unless you’re an engaging speaker talking on a subject that’s IMPORTANT to the other person, you are going to quickly bore the person and outwear your welcome.

People hate to have others launch into long-winded RANTS on subjects they have absolutely NO interest in.

What they’re REALLY thinking is this:

“You are so dull and boring, you’re putting me to sleep. Do you really think I’m even interested in what you’re talking about? Has the question even crossed your mind, or are you really just that selfish to focus the conversation on what you want to talk about at my expense?”

Instead of rambling, learn to GAUGE the other person’s interest. Bring up the topic and talk about for about 10-20 seconds. Then WATCH their body language and PAY attention to how they’re receiving your message.

If they don’t seem interested and they DON’T ask questions about the topic, that’s a sure sign that they’re NOT interested in hearing about what you’re talking about.

Drop the subject and change the topic.

MISTAKE #4:
Criticizing and Finding Fault with People

When people don’t conform to your wishes or standards, do you ever criticize and condemn them, hoping it will get them to change?

If so, does it work?

Or do people just start arguing with you or defending and explaining themselves?

Taking this approach usually leads to a full-blown argument, doesn’t it?

And you want to know what people REALLY think when you criticize them?

“You’re such a jerk! No one’s perfect, including yourself. We all make mistakes and have hang-ups. Who the hell are you to nitpick and criticize my supposed faults? You’re too blind to see your own faults and what you contribute to this relationship – one of which is your very judgmental and critical attitude!”

If criticizing people DOESN’T work to get them to change, why do it – especially when it generates hatred and resentment, and leads to arguments no one is going to win.

If you want to bring out the best in people, compliment them and give them praise when they do things RIGHT.

That’s what actually works to bring about positive, constructive change in others.

Criticizing people doesn’t.

So avoid it!

MISTAKE #5:
Clinging and Being Emotionally Dependent

Do you ever call or text people repeatedly, even though they’re not responding to you?

Or do you go out of your way to give people your time and attention, hoping to win their love and affection through such displays?

Perhaps you think you’re proving what a “good” or “valuable” person you are in an attempt to win them over, but is that the case for THEM on the receiving end?

Is that what they conclude, based on this behaviour?

People don’t respect people who don’t respect themselves.

And guess what you’re communicating when you act clingy with other people and desperate for their time and attention?

You’re communicating that the OTHER person is more important and more valuable than yourself.

You’re telling them that winning their love and affection is more important to than your own self-respect.

You’re conveying to them that your self-respect can be “purchased”.

NONE of these things are good.

What people REALLY think when you act clingy is this:

“Wow, you are emotionally dependant on me! You’re insecure with yourself. You derive your value from me, not yourself. And I don’t want to have that kind of pressure in my life. Not only that, it’s really annoying that you don’t have the patience to let me respond on my own time. You’re so eager! And it’s pissing me off.”

People respect others when they respect themselves.

Being clingy and desperate demonstrates to others that you lack self-respect, and if you lack it, they won’t give you respect in return.

Avoid being clingy and desperate. Control your emotions.

MISTAKE #6:
Trash-Talking People Behind Their Backs

When you make conversation with people, how often do you spend that time talking or discussing other people?

And when you DO do this, do you ever do it in a critical, judgmental or condescending way that makes the person you’re talking about look bad?

We seem to have an innate desire to discuss other people and what they’ve done or been up to – but where do we draw the line?

You want to know what SMART people REALLY think of you for your negative gossiping?

“You’re trash-talking our friend (or whoever) behind their back. So that means there’s a good chance you also gossip about me with other people behind my back. I really don’t trust you, and I’ve lost a lot of respect for you, because I hate being dissed behind my back where I can’t even defend myself, because people might believe your claims even if they aren’t true .”

If you must talk about other people, be neutral – not critical and negative.

A good rule of thumb to use is this:

Never say anything about anybody behind their back that you wouldn’t have the courage to say to their face.

Being a bitter gossip will eventually give you a bad reputation and start repelling people.

I would AVOID it.

MISTAKE #7:
Sucking Up and Seeking Peoples’ Approval

Do you ever buy gifts or give money, go out of your way to do favors, or excessively compliment the people you know or meet, hoping to “win over” and get their affection?

If so, have you asked yourself why you do this?

And furthermore, does it work to gain their love and approval?

If you have, you already know it DOESN’T work!

It’s like shooting ourselves in the foot.

You want to know why?

Love and affection can’t be bought, and that’s what this manipulative tactic attempts to accomplish. People who use it are trying to “buy” someone’s love and affection with money and effort.

Here’s what people REALLY think on the receiving end:

“Wow, you are so desperate for me. And that’s a major turn-off! I’m attracted to confidence, and you completely lack that. But most importantly you’re trying to purchase my love and approval. That’s not for sale. That has to be earned with honest and sincere effort. Sure, you’re making my life easier, but I resent you for doing it in a manipulative way.”

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being generous.

But is that what you’re REALLY doing when you buy gifts, do favors and give compliments?

Are you really doing it out of the KINDNESS of your heart – or do you have ulterior motives?

If you want to win someone’s love and affection, DON’T do it by seeking their approval and sucking up to them like this.

They will see right THROUGH you.

Plus, many will take advantage of it and give you nothing in return. Hey, you set yourself up for that.

I would weed this kind of behaviour out of my personality FOREVER.

MISTAKE #8:
Giving People Unsolicited Advice

When people dump their problems on you or you see they have a problem, do you ever respond by offering them advice?

It’s going the HELP them, isn’t it?

Well, guess what?

People HATE unsolicited advice.

When we give people advice they never asked for, we’re framing ourselves in the “superior” role to the other person, and they INTERPRET this as us being condescending and patronizing to them … a MAJOR turn-off.

Here’s what they REALLY think:

“So you think I’m incompetent, don’t you? I mean, I never asked you for your advice, and I find it off-putting that you’re meddling and sticking your nose in my affairs and treating me like I can’t take care of myself. You think you have all the answers, don’t you? Besides, who are you to give me advice? What accomplishments do you have to your credit that makes you qualified to speak on the subject?”

Resolve to NEVER give people advice without first getting their PERMISSION.

If they didn’t ask for it, or they didn’t make it clear they welcome it, DON’T do it.

They’ll just think YOU think they’re incompetent.

No one likes that.

MISTAKE #9:
Trying to Make Converts

Most of us have had the experience of being introduced to some form of knowledge or practice that we found beneficial.

And how do some us act AFTER this happens?

We start preaching and promoting our new-found “magic bullet” to everyone we talk to. We start trying to persuade and make CONVERTS out of our friends and family.

Does it work?

Nope, it just GREATLY irritates and annoys them.

What they REALLY think is this:

“You have no respect for my opinions and beliefs. You think you’re right, but I think you’re wrong. And the more you try to sway me over to your way of thinking, the more resistant and defiant I’m going to become. Not to mention I’m going to generate resentment towards you for being so pushy!”

Accept people for what they CHOOSE to believe and how they CHOOSE to act.

If you try to change them, you’re communicating that you don’t accept them for who they are. You’re telling them you REJECT them for wherever they may be at in life.

Don’t do that.

MISTAKE #10:
Bragging About Yourself

We all want to be approved of and accepted, but do you ever try to make a FAVORABLE impression by bragging and boasting about yourself, your achievements or your possessions?

If you do, you may think this will impress people.

But guess what?

It doesn’t.

In fact, it has the exact OPPOSITE effect on people.

We may think that bragging about ourselves will paint us in a good light by showing off our assets, but people interpret our efforts drastically differently.

Here’s what they REALLY think:

“You are such a douchebag! You think you’re so incredible, way more amazing than you actually are. And you think you’re better than other people, too, which is real turn-off.”

Boasting just makes people think we’re egotistical and conceited, which, if we do it, we probably are.

That needs to CHANGE.

If you really want to impress people, LET them discover your assets for themselves. Don’t deprive them of discovering how great you are or what you can achieve all by themselves.

That’s impressive … when you’re humble about what you’re good at.

So don’t brag and boast about anything.

MISTAKE #11:
Bossing and Ordering People Around

When you want someone to do something, do you ever do it by ORDERING them to do it?

Instead of asking them, do you ever bark COMMANDS at them?

Here’s the thing…

It works. Especially if you oversee other people, most of the time they WILL comply with your orders.

But guess what?

They’re only doing it because their livelihood depends on it or you provide value to them in some way.

But here’s the other thing…

Even though they may do what you command, they will RESENT you for bossing them around. Everyone likes to think they CHOOSE their decisions and the way they act. But when we boss others around, it makes people feel like they lose that.

And that’s what GENERATES the resentment.

Here’s what people REALLY think of you if you order them around:

“You are such a control freak! You get off on trying to exercise your authority over others. You get off on having people do what you want them to. Your thirst for power makes me resent you. I’m not your little slave!”

If you want someone to do something for you, always ASK them!

“Would you ... do this?” or “I’d like you to ... do that.”

NEVER order or command.

MISTAKE #12:
Nagging People to Get Your Way

When people don’t do what you want, do you ever REPEATEDLY tell them to do it until they finally “cave in” and do it?

It works a lot of the time, doesn’t it?

But at what cost – do you ever think about that?

When we nag people, we may end up getting them to do what we want them to, but we also sacrifice something by doing it.

What exactly?

Their respect.

If being respected by people is important to you, resolve to never nag people when they don’t do what you want.

Because you want to know what people REALLY think when you nag them:

“You are such a pest! I hate you getting on my case. It’s incredibly annoying. And the only reason I’m going to do what you want is to shut you up. I’ll feel resentful doing what you want, but it’s better than having to listen to you repeatedly bug me about it. I’ll just fume the whole time I’m doing what you want.”

There are great ways to get people to happily do what you want.

Nagging ISN’T one of them!

Don’t make a pest of yourself and lose the respect of others by nagging people.

Find better ways to get what you want, instead of resorting to pestering people until they give in to your wishes.

MISTAKE # 13:
Always Having to Prove You’re Right

Do you ever find yourself jumping into conversations to show people that you have the right answers concerning the topic at hand?

If so, what do you think motivates this kind of behaviour?

Why do you have this urge to be “right” and let everyone know it?

And how do you think other people respond to this?

You may think it impresses people to demonstrate that you have a lot of knowledge, but guess what?

They don’t share your viewpoint.

In fact, it’s a major turn-off to them.

No one likes a “know-it-all”.

What people REALLY think is this:

“You think you know everything, don’t you? You just have to prove to me and everyone that you’re a super knowledgeable person. But you’re not, because your understanding of people sucks. But you’re clueless about that! You’re socially inept, and you have no idea. I think you’re a joke, but I’m never going to tell you that.”

What MOST impresses people is when you DON’T try to impress them.

Any time we deliberately try to impress others with our abilities, achievements, or knowledge, all we accomplish is the OPPOSITE!

So stop trying to show-off how smart you think you are.

‘Cause guess what?

You’re not fooling anyone.

You may not know it, but they see right through you, and they resent what you’re doing.

I would avoid this kind of behaviour at all costs.

MISTAKE #14:
Explaining Things to People Like They’re Stupid

Have you ever noticed yourself explaining things to others when they didn’t seem to have the knowledge you were attempting to impart to them?

This is more common among men, and has earned the title of “Mansplaining”.

Using your reason, you may THINK you’re enlightening them. But that’s not the message they receive when you do this.

We humans are emotional creatures, and we respond to the meaning behind the communication we encounter.

And guess what kind emotion explaining things to people brings out in them?

Resentment.

Why?

Because when we explain things to people in this way, it comes off condescending to them, like we're “talking down” to them. It communicates we think they’re stupid.

And who likes people treating them like they’re retarded?

Here’s what people REALLY think when you treat them this way:

“You think I’m a dumb little incompetent person, don’t you? And you think you’re so smart and doing me a great favour by enlightening me and curing me of my ignorance, huh? I resent you for viewing me that way, and following-up by treating me like I’m stupid. You don’t understand people one bit, you useless douchebag.”

If you want to win love and respect, NEVER explain how things work to people in your conversations – unless they ask or show an interest in what you know.

But never push yourself on them in this way.

All you’ll win is their resentment.

MISTAKE #15:
Making People Feel Guilty to Get What You Want

When you want something from someone, do you ever try to make them feel GUILTY in order to get them to give it to you?

Do you slap a “guilt trip” on them?

Yes, if you’re dealing with someone who has NO backbone, it definitely gets results. It often gets you what you want.

But at what cost?

And is it a price you’re really willing to pay?

No one likes to feel negative emotions, like fear, shame and guilt.

The reason guilt trips work is because it makes people feel badly in the moment, and in order to RELIEVE themselves of that negative feeling, they give what is wanted of them.

Talk about manipulation, huh?

Here’s what people REALLY think when you guilt trip them:

“You’re trying to make me feel sorry for you, and like I owe you something – even though I don’t. I don’t like feeling guilt, especially when I haven’t done anything wrong. And that’s exactly what you’re trying to do to me. I resent you for playing with my emotions and trying to use them against me, all for selfish reasons.”

Again, there are ways to get people to happily do what you want.

Guilt-tripping them ISN’T one of them!

If you don’t want to arouse other peoples’ anger and resentment, don’t seek to manipulate them.

They will despise you for it.

MISTAKE #16:
Apologizing for Every Little Mistake

When you do little things that you suspect might have irritated or offended someone, do you go and apologize to them?

If so, have you ever questioned why you really do this?

Is it REALLY because you’re sorry – or is it because you’re scared of losing their APPROVAL?

In investigating this question, you will find that the reason for most apologizing is not to right a wrong, which is selfless. It’s to NEUTRALIZE someone’s resentment towards us for us having irritated them.

This is COMPLETELY selfish.

It’s not done for the other person. It’s done for us.

And people pickup on this.

Here’s what they REALLY think:

“You can’t handle me being cross with you, because you’re needy for love and approval. You’re not trying to make amends with me to restore the good will between us. You’re just apologizing to win back the approval you think you’ve lost from me. You’re weak and pathetic!”

There certainly are times to apologize.

But like we just discussed, the reason there is to restore good will.

With most apologizing, this is NOT the motive. So it’s important to know the difference, and restrain yourself from apologizing for purely selfish reasons.

It’s a major turn-off to people. Plus, it makes you look weak and needy in their eyes, which will make them think ill of you and thus repel them.

If in doubt, don’t apologize for your behaviour.

MISTAKE #17:
Correcting People when They Make Mistakes

When you notice people make mistakes, like mispronouncing a word or something, do you ever jump in to correct them?

If so, why do you think you have this need to be right?

Why do you have the urge to correct them?

Are you aware of what it REALLY accomplishes?

It just turns them off and generates resentment.

Why?

Because you embarrassed them.

Perhaps I’m stating the obvious, but none of us feel very good about being embarrassed, do we?

Here’s what people REALY think when you correct them:

“You are such a hardass! Everyone makes mistakes and isn’t right all the time. But the fact that you pointed it out and embarrassed me makes me resent you. You’re one of those annoying people who always has to be right, aren’t you? No thanks.”

There certainly is a time to correct people, like if they mispronounce your name, and NOT correcting them now will set them up for more embarrassment in the future.

The key here is to avoid embarrassing people.

So if you understand what someone means, even though they’re not totally correct, leave it alone.

You got what they were saying, so there’s no reason to make an issue of it.

MISTAKE #18:
Being Invasive and Nosy by Asking Too Many Questions

Being a great conversationalist involves taking an interest in the other person and asking questions, but do you ever take it too far?

Do you ever ask one question, receive the answer, then ask a completely unrelated question – you know, like 20 questions?

Perhaps you think you’re getting to know the other person, but are you aware of how they’re responding to you internally?

If we take this approach, the other person is going to FEEL like we’re interrogating them.

Needless to say, that’s not a pleasant feeling to have.

Here’s what people REALLY think when you “interrogate” them:

“You are super nosy! And it’s annoying. Not only that, but the fact that you keep changing the topic, I can tell that you’re not really interested in hearing my answers, or we’d stay on one topic. When you act invasive like this, it makes me feel very uncomfortable, but I’ll play along so as not to make things even worse.”

Again, asking questions is an essential tool in being a great conversationalist. However, it must be done in a tactful way.

A key to remember is to stay on one topic for a while, instead of jumping all over the place in a scatter-brained fashion.

If you don’t want to make someone feel like they’re being interrogated by a police officer over a crime, do NOT ask unrelated question after another.

MISTAKE #19:
Competing and Trying to Outdo Others

Do you ever try to “one up” other people – you know, do you compete with them and try to prove or demonstrate that you’re better than them or better at something than they are?

If you do, have you considered that part of the reason you do this is may be because you see them as a THREAT to your ego in some way?

Do you think you compete with people, and not like a fun game or sport, but seriously, because you’re insecure about your own sense of worth as a person?

Is it because, unless you can outdo someone else who excels, you’ll feel unworthy?

If you take time to consider these questions, you will eventually come to these conclusions.

But how do others respond to you competing with them?

I’ll give you a tip: It’s not positive.

Here’s what people REALLY think about you when you compete with others:

“Wow, you are a big douchebag! And are you ever insecure. Do you really gauge your sense of personal value based on being better than others and out-performing them? You reek of insecurity, and I want to get away from you as soon as the opportunity presents itself.”

Unless you’re playing, NEVER compete with others.

This is more than simply changing a behaviour. It’s really about deriving your value from yourself, rather than comparing yourself to others and then making a judgment about your self-worth based on how you fair in relation to them.

Competing will make people think you’re very insecure with yourself.

Don’t do it.

MISTAKE #20:
Being a Cheapskate and Mooching Off Others

Do you ever ask people for things they have, like money, gum, a cigarette, whatever, without offering to compensate them in any way?

And do you do it to the same person over and over again?

Even though they may oblige you, you know you’re being a pain in their backside by doing this, right?

Have you ever noticed that we as people keep a silent record of our exchanges with people and we like to see that it’s even?

Mooching violates this unspoken expectation.

It generates contempt in the other person when we don’t seek to give them an equivalent value for the value they give us.

What people REALLY think when we mooch is this:

“I’m a generous person and like sharing, so I’ll give you what you want. But I will still resent you for not giving me anything in return. You’ve aroused my contempt for you because you’re just using me, and I hate that.”

Unless you can’t find employment or something extreme like that, NEVER mooch from people. ALWAYS seek to repay them in some form, and especially within the same timeframe.

If you don’t, as we discussed, you’re off-setting that sense of sharing an equivalent value with each other, and it WILL generate hidden resentment.

MISTAKE #21:
Meddling in Peoples’ Personal Affairs

Do you ever inquire and stick your nose into other peoples’ affairs, even though they didn’t give you the invitation?

For example, when someone starts moaning about their problems, do you make yourself a “shoulder to cry” on and act like you’re their therapist?

If so, what’s the REASON you think you do this?

Is it because you want to HELP them out?

But does it?

And how are they REALLY responding to this kind of behaviour?

We must realize that people have boundaries, and they have things they need to hold themselves accountable for – otherwise, we end up co-depending on others. And that isn’t healthy, for either party.

So how do people react when we meddle in their affairs?

Here’s what they’re REALLY thinking:

“I hate it when you stick your nose in my affairs! It’s none of your business! Just let me work out my own issues, okay? It really irritates me when you cross that unspoken line with me. In fact, it pisses me off that you’re trying to “mother” me!”

I’m not saying we shouldn’t take an active interest in peoples’ affairs. That’s what friendship is about. But when we MEDDLE, it crosses the line.

Resolve to give people their private space.

That concludes the major mistakes people make. Now here’s...

How to Use This Information to Transform Your Personality

There are three steps to using this information to gradually transform your personality into a much more attractive one that draws others to you and makes them love being around you.

The first step has already been accomplished, which is to become AWARE of WHAT you’re currently doing wrong.

The second step is to start catching yourself in the ACT of making these mistakes. It’s to recognize them when you make them. This leads to the next step.

And the third and final step is to PREVENT yourself from making these mistakes THE MOMENT before they happen. It’s to catch yourself right when you’re about to make any of them, and STOP yourself before you act.

When you repeatedly do this over and over again, eventually you will reach a point where you NO LONGER even make any of them anymore.

That’s the goal here!

And if this is important to you, I would recommend you remember this website and come here often to re-read this article to refresh your memory. It’s unlikely you will remember all these mistakes after one reading, so give yourself time to absorb the information.

Change is a process, and it does take time to absorb and execute.

Let that happen.

Conclusion

You, of course, have probably noticed that this article ONLY focuses on the things you need to STOP doing to develop and improve your personality. But it doesn’t address the things you need to START doing to take your personality to the next level, after you’ve corrected your mistakes.

But correcting your mistakes is the very FOUNDATION of building an attractive personality. You almost have to handle them before you can move onto the next level of “personality development”.

And if you want to learn what to DO to develop your personality so that you become INTERESTING and ENGAGING to other people, I highly recommend you sign-up for my Training Course.

You’ll learn EVERYTHING you need to know.

To learn more about it,
click here!

 

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