The Legendary King

The Legendary King

by Kynan Patram

SARAH HAD JUST turned onto the 69 highway and brought the car up to a hundred and twenty kilometers an hour when red and blue flashers lit up her rearview mirror like a Christmas tree.

“Dammit!” she hissed, her cell phone held just below eye level. She quickly dropped her hand to her lap, as she slowed the car down and veered onto the shoulder. When she came to a stop, she looked in the mirror and preened her hair, then pushed her breasts up and adjusted her top to make sure her cleavage was showing properly. Then, looking in her side mirror, she noticed a police officer had gotten out of his cruiser and was walking toward her window. She rolled it down.

“Good day, officer,” she said in a sweet voice before he could duck his head down to look inside the car.

When the officer bent over and their eyes met, his hardened face softened and a twinkle came into his eyes. His gaze dropped to her chest for a brief moment, and Sarah knew she had him around her little finger.

“Do you know how fast you were going, ma’am?” he finally asked.

“A hundred?”

The officer shook his head. “One-twenty.”

“Oh my god … I’m sorry, officer. I didn’t realize I was going that fast.”

“And you do know it’s against the law to text and drive, don’t you, ma’am?”

“Oh, is it?” said Sarah, batting her eyelashes.

The officer nodded.

“I’m sorry, officer,” said Sarah. “I was just checking my messages on an online dating site.”

The officer’s eyes lit up. “Oh yeah – which one?”

“Plenty of fish.”

“I’m on there, too!” the officer said, beaming now.

They’d made a connection through common ground. This was a good sign. Now to show him how desirable I am, Sarah thought.

“Do you ever get stupid messages?” she said. “I get them all the time. This one guy keeps messaging me over and over again – for weeks now – telling me how beautiful I am and constantly asking me out on a date. It’s so annoying. I just ignore him.” She leaned forward, revealing more cleavage. “I bet you have women telling you how handsome you are all the time.”

The officer looked a little nervous. “No, I don’t have a picture posted.”

“I bet you have the ladies all over you, don’t you? You’re so strong and courageous.”

A smile slowly seeped onto the officer’s face, but he appeared to fight it.

“But there are so many bozos on there,” Sarah went on. “It’s tough to find a good guy.” She grinned. “It’s too bad we never met online.”

The officer said nothing.

“Oh, then there was this other guy …” Sarah continued, “he had the stupidest name – oh, what was it again? Anyway, he got pissed off at me for not responding to him and started calling me all kinds of insulting names. What a loser, huh?” She snapped her fingers. “Legendary King – that’s it! He called himself the Legendary King. Can you believe that? Pathetic, don’t you think? Who does he think he is, anyway?”

The officer started to shake. “I’m going to write you up a ticket for texting while driving and another for speeding!”

Sarah’s chest seized up. She thought she had the situation under control. What happened?

“Aww, do you really think that’s necessary, officer?” she said, batting her eyelashes and leaning forward to reveal more of her cleavage again. “Couldn’t you just let me off with a warning?”

“No!” snapped the officer, turning on his heel. “Wait right here. I’m going to go write up your tickets.” And he walked back to his cruiser.

Sarah crossed her arms across her chest, fuming. What had gone wrong? Hadn’t she been flirtatious enough? Hadn’t she revealed enough skin, acted feminine and stroked his ego enough? It had always worked before.

She was thinking all this over, when her phone dinged. A new message had just arrived. She picked it up, tapped it several times and saw that she had just received a new message from none other than the Legendary King.

“Oh, great,” she moaned. “Not another one.”

She brought up the message and read it aloud: “I hope you enjoy your tickets, ma’am.”

She screwed up her face. But how could he know? Then it hit her. “No!” she shrieked, turning to look back at the cruiser only to see the officer give her a curt wave with a sinister grin plastered across his face.


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