The Big Difference Between a Dominant and Submissive Personality, and Why One Wins Love While the Other Fails

February 4th, 2021

Are you the type of person who spends most of your time listening to what others want to talk about in your conversations with them? Do you just passively standby and let the other person flap their gums about whatever they want to talk about without having much of a voice in the conversation or contributing to the subject at hand, or even deciding it’s something you even want to discuss?

If so, are you under the impression that to be a “good person”, the polite thing to do is to not interrupt or discourage people from speaking about what happens to be on their mind?

Because guess what? Brace yourself.

This is called having a weak personality, and I want to tell you what to do instead, and why...

Would you like to know a cold, hard truth?

You have an important decision to make in life: You can either be just liked by everyone – or you can be loved by half the people you meet, and detested by the other half.

This is just a fact.

After all, when people have outgoing and dominant personalities, they’re going to be very attractive to some while they will clash with others and turn them off.

Is this something you’re willing to accept? Is it worth the price of being loved by some?

The alternative is to have a weak and submissive personality, where almost everyone is going just like you.

But there’s also a price that must be paid here too...

They won’t respect you. You won’t even be a blip on their radar. And isn’t respect something we want from others? Or would you rather have people just merely like you and pay you little mind and attention after the fact? The choice is yours.

If you want to win people’s love and respect, you must develop a strong and powerful personality.

And how do you do that?

In short: You must express yourself!

If we just passively listen to what people have to say without contributing much to the conversation, will people get to know us and what we’re all about? Or will they just conclude we’re a “good listener” because we keep our mouths shut? And if we don’t give them the opportunity to get to know us and what we’re all about, how can they develop an affinity for us?

Instead, why not take the initiative and deliberately dominate about half of the interaction, giving yourself a voice and making yourself heard? I mean, do you think it’s rude to voluntarily express your thoughts and experiences with others? Is imposing these things rude or perceived to be unwanted? Or do you worry that you’ll turn them off and they won’t like you for it – that they’ll disapprove of you for speaking your mind?

Banish the fears!

If you want to win love and respect, as we mentioned, you are going to be loved by some and despised by others.

Accept this.

It’s the price to pay, and one well worth it.

So how do we express ourselves?

We must consciously balance our listening and our talking, the giving of our attention and the demand for the other person to give us their attention when we speak. You do this by asking them questions on a topic you want to talk about, listening, and then making your contribution. It’s almost like a game of tennis.

Now, aren’t you both taking turns to contribute to the conversation, instead of letting them monopolize the spotlight the entire time? And isn’t this not only letting them get to know what’s going on in your mind, but also giving you the chance to hear what’s going on in theirs?

Won’t you develop a connection by taking this approach?

If we just passively listen or let others talk about what they want without intervening and adding our own thoughts, how can a person get to know us? And if they don’t know us, how can they trust, love and respect us?

They can’t.

We failed to give them the opportunity.

So let’s give it to them.

Throw away all thoughts of whether or not they’re going to accept you, but at the same time calibrate by paying attention to how they’re reacting to your contribution. You’ll find that some people are indifferent to what you have to say or don’t really seem to care, while others will take an active interest.

But isn’t this great?

Isn’t it a way of separating the wheat from the chaff – the cool people to talk to from the not so cool?

How valuable is a conversation where the other person doesn’t take an active interest in you? Wouldn’t you rather focus and invest your time in people who do take an interest, and let the other fall by the wayside?

Won’t you see who really loves you and differentiate them from the people who are ambivalent? Or would you rather get everyone to like you by letting them walk all over you with their conversation and let them use you as a sounding board where you gain no benefit from the interaction, where they just take from you?

These are all important questions to ask, and the conclusions will greatly profit you – if you recognize the truth.

Which is what?

It’s better to seek out and welcome people who let you share the spotlight rather than hogging it for themselves or taking little to no interest in what you have to contribute.

 

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